(londen)
I am abused by the beats
Behind its words
Yelled at by the violin
Laying upon his shoulders
R&B hates me
But hip hop said he loves me Took me back to the 80's When N.W.A molded my attitude Before Brenda hated her baby Searching for a friend In Public and found an Enemy He told me to fight the power.... Since then ive been losing.
(Janae)
You been losing, but.....
Hip hop in some way has turned it's back on us.....
Making us believe that these rapers
Were using lyrical content in there own creative way to shoot through are brain weaves, but really hip hop your more like a life style changing everyday......
what happen to you message? now we got little girls shaking there asses!
But.......
Right befor people changed,
Tupac had us bumping changes.
I traded in my old love for some soul r&b shooting through my veins like a old shcool drugie.
I'm starting to love u more like my jeep.....
What happen to u r Kelly?
Let's take is back to keith sweat nobody can love you better
Cuz music is my savor..
You saved me when the beat tryed to choke me u put the flavor back into my mouth, let's all sing, love is a melody formed into music I'm in love with u r&b......
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
ya wouldnt understand
he played the part of a princess,
As he dressed himself up in his Sunday best.....
Ready to tackle whatever may come his way.
She wore black gloves,
Painted her face,
Wore red lickstick....
(Savored the taste)
He strapped on his black boots,
Put a plastic bag in his back seat.....
She yelled out, love me!
Or relax 6 feet...
He screamed, he's in love!
She told him he was telln storys!
He got down on bended knee,
Bent her head back kissed her softy,
She grabbed his head pushed him away...........
Said nobody not nobody is worthy of my love today!
He yelled bipolor!!!!!!!
As she unlocked her Safe!
He grabbed a knife while she cocked her 38.....
He dropes to his knees.......
Shots fire silents became the loudest sound of reality.
He Wore blood to his church road off In a black casket.
As she ran away
An disapeared in a black mask.
It took 5 mins for her to realize that her love was as bipolor as it gets.....
One day she was in love, an then came the next.
All she needed was medicine when all she thought she needed was a good man.
But instead she took his life and moved on to the next Ken!
She played the part of a princess
And left him dressed in his Sundays best rip good men!
As he dressed himself up in his Sunday best.....
Ready to tackle whatever may come his way.
She wore black gloves,
Painted her face,
Wore red lickstick....
(Savored the taste)
He strapped on his black boots,
Put a plastic bag in his back seat.....
She yelled out, love me!
Or relax 6 feet...
He screamed, he's in love!
She told him he was telln storys!
He got down on bended knee,
Bent her head back kissed her softy,
She grabbed his head pushed him away...........
Said nobody not nobody is worthy of my love today!
He yelled bipolor!!!!!!!
As she unlocked her Safe!
He grabbed a knife while she cocked her 38.....
He dropes to his knees.......
Shots fire silents became the loudest sound of reality.
He Wore blood to his church road off In a black casket.
As she ran away
An disapeared in a black mask.
It took 5 mins for her to realize that her love was as bipolor as it gets.....
One day she was in love, an then came the next.
All she needed was medicine when all she thought she needed was a good man.
But instead she took his life and moved on to the next Ken!
She played the part of a princess
And left him dressed in his Sundays best rip good men!
brother
Oh brother......
What could I say to you to bring us closer?
What would be your reaction, if I sat you down an expressed to you like real siblings do?
Would you wear a smile of a clown?
Or genuinely walk around happy that you and your sister are now at peace with one another.....
You see brother,
I feel like you an I are one piece, but missing important pieces...
We shared the same womb at one point; I came after you, which makes me, want to follow your footsteps...
But I refuse to follow footsteps I can hardly see!
It's like I sleep in the same room as the enemy!!!
We share the same mom and dad
And even though we don't talk much I know your Hurt, cause believe it or not brother I'm Hurting too.
You displayed another generation of life, an I feel like your son has brought little tiny piece of us together....
But what's together when are hearts are apart?
An what's apart when half of me is hiding in the dark?
And what's the dark without a light?
You see brother I'm
Trying to find the right light to brighten are relationship, but I haven't stumbled over the right set of batteries, nor could I dig thru my dignity an find the right way to use my pen to allow u to listen......
Until this moment.....
See brother
At the end of the day we are all we got,
And I'm
Hating it!!!
Got a sister brother......
Can't even tell u her last name!
Can't even tell u were she stays! An deep down I know that shit plays in your head...
Why couldn't dad be a dad and keep us all aligned?
They say family is important but u know like I know we don't know WTF family stands for!
Fam(ily)
I love you!
Yes brother we are all we have now......
(Moms got to live her life too)
So no matter what bridge your standing at an u feel like you’re about to jump, pick up the phone an call me.
If your about to cry cuz all u need is someone to listen, pick up the phone an call me.
If your stranded in the middle of know where an can't remember your way, home pick up the phone an I well track your destination down.
Cuz believe it or not brother I well not allow u to drown!
But, sad thing about this brother is u have a problem, that’s too big for you to admit! So until you fix it you and I well never have a healthy relationship!
(But something been bugging me too)
Ohh Brother I should of saved u before it was too late.....
I should have caught you before you took the enemies hand!
I should of let you know before u hit the ground....
I should of never let mom
Cry on those lonely nights when she was worried about u!
While I was taking care of your son, I should have told her everything was going to be ok.
But I had no words to say, so I let U step out not realizing it was to late to save you.
But mom needed to cry so that she can let go of the guilt she had inside..
(always blaming herself)
And you never even once told her you were sorry!
But I allowed mom to forget about what bugged me, and concentrate on you ...........
Missing a father we both never had! An I know u think that's not your problem but u and I both know it is!
And I know you remember all the words that were said from mom to dad, and all the times mom had to drag us out the car when it wasn’t her weekend,
So don't think your hard cuz I remember counting the tears that ran down your cheeks.
You had a ninja turtle bed, and me, beauty n the beast until we were 13! That’s how well dad kept up always thinking we were going to just be his babies......
And remember every time we would see him; he'd say how big we got? Probably because he never learned how to keep up, and never learned how to love us properly.
That's why consistence is a very important key in my life,
Cuz I’ve never had consistency....
And if you want to grow brother you got to learn how to let go...
And the key to success is perpetration,
Learning that nothing well be handed to you brother you got to work until your fingertips become torpid!
Almost until u can taste the blood from
Deep down in your soul, u got to search for the better parts of you step outside your element an reboot your self esteem, cuz I know what your weakness is.
You think your stupid!
But WTF does stupid really mean?
We are all gods children so there for we are as smart as we can be, never let anyone tell u u can't do something.
Let me stop there brother before you get to carried away, cuz u an I both know I'm far from perfect, I'm perfectly imperfect cuz this is how god made me, so there for I'm everything he created me to be so why would I ever let Any other human being put me down?
I'm
Trying to get you to understand brother, silent’s is the loudest sound...
So I hope you don't find it crazy that at night I can't sleep, cuz I can hear u screaming to be found!
(I'm just looking for my bother)
Loneliness hurts but they say it’s also good for you
If you have any information please let me know now, before it's to late to create a bond!
Brother......
What could I say to you to bring us closer?
What would be your reaction, if I sat you down an expressed to you like real siblings do?
Would you wear a smile of a clown?
Or genuinely walk around happy that you and your sister are now at peace with one another.....
You see brother,
I feel like you an I are one piece, but missing important pieces...
We shared the same womb at one point; I came after you, which makes me, want to follow your footsteps...
But I refuse to follow footsteps I can hardly see!
It's like I sleep in the same room as the enemy!!!
We share the same mom and dad
And even though we don't talk much I know your Hurt, cause believe it or not brother I'm Hurting too.
You displayed another generation of life, an I feel like your son has brought little tiny piece of us together....
But what's together when are hearts are apart?
An what's apart when half of me is hiding in the dark?
And what's the dark without a light?
You see brother I'm
Trying to find the right light to brighten are relationship, but I haven't stumbled over the right set of batteries, nor could I dig thru my dignity an find the right way to use my pen to allow u to listen......
Until this moment.....
See brother
At the end of the day we are all we got,
And I'm
Hating it!!!
Got a sister brother......
Can't even tell u her last name!
Can't even tell u were she stays! An deep down I know that shit plays in your head...
Why couldn't dad be a dad and keep us all aligned?
They say family is important but u know like I know we don't know WTF family stands for!
Fam(ily)
I love you!
Yes brother we are all we have now......
(Moms got to live her life too)
So no matter what bridge your standing at an u feel like you’re about to jump, pick up the phone an call me.
If your about to cry cuz all u need is someone to listen, pick up the phone an call me.
If your stranded in the middle of know where an can't remember your way, home pick up the phone an I well track your destination down.
Cuz believe it or not brother I well not allow u to drown!
But, sad thing about this brother is u have a problem, that’s too big for you to admit! So until you fix it you and I well never have a healthy relationship!
(But something been bugging me too)
Ohh Brother I should of saved u before it was too late.....
I should have caught you before you took the enemies hand!
I should of let you know before u hit the ground....
I should of never let mom
Cry on those lonely nights when she was worried about u!
While I was taking care of your son, I should have told her everything was going to be ok.
But I had no words to say, so I let U step out not realizing it was to late to save you.
But mom needed to cry so that she can let go of the guilt she had inside..
(always blaming herself)
And you never even once told her you were sorry!
But I allowed mom to forget about what bugged me, and concentrate on you ...........
Missing a father we both never had! An I know u think that's not your problem but u and I both know it is!
And I know you remember all the words that were said from mom to dad, and all the times mom had to drag us out the car when it wasn’t her weekend,
So don't think your hard cuz I remember counting the tears that ran down your cheeks.
You had a ninja turtle bed, and me, beauty n the beast until we were 13! That’s how well dad kept up always thinking we were going to just be his babies......
And remember every time we would see him; he'd say how big we got? Probably because he never learned how to keep up, and never learned how to love us properly.
That's why consistence is a very important key in my life,
Cuz I’ve never had consistency....
And if you want to grow brother you got to learn how to let go...
And the key to success is perpetration,
Learning that nothing well be handed to you brother you got to work until your fingertips become torpid!
Almost until u can taste the blood from
Deep down in your soul, u got to search for the better parts of you step outside your element an reboot your self esteem, cuz I know what your weakness is.
You think your stupid!
But WTF does stupid really mean?
We are all gods children so there for we are as smart as we can be, never let anyone tell u u can't do something.
Let me stop there brother before you get to carried away, cuz u an I both know I'm far from perfect, I'm perfectly imperfect cuz this is how god made me, so there for I'm everything he created me to be so why would I ever let Any other human being put me down?
I'm
Trying to get you to understand brother, silent’s is the loudest sound...
So I hope you don't find it crazy that at night I can't sleep, cuz I can hear u screaming to be found!
(I'm just looking for my bother)
Loneliness hurts but they say it’s also good for you
If you have any information please let me know now, before it's to late to create a bond!
Brother......
mental
Scared freckles jumped off the faces of ppl with no exapression.
Tears held rallys at the tip of there noses,
And with my looking eye I could taste the fears placed upon there faces........
Bloody hands frm griping life, holding each memory tight!
(Here's a little insight)
He loved taking the trash out it was the only time he went outside.......
She jumped out of her skin,
Took her spirit to church knowing with her sin...................
She felt nobody would forgive them,but god....
Hes use to salen his toys in front of his house to the kids playing bball,
Cause
It was the only way he could eat when his tummy started to rumble.
She use to walk the streets looking for her mother in every alley.....
She use to wait by the phone every other hour for her father to call her collect......
Go fucking figuer
He use to reach for his moms love all he needed was a hug....
But her distraction
Misunderstood her sons actions,
So she would slap um instead!
She use to hold Barbie dolls at night an cry...........
He use to hide under his covers at night with a flash light..........
Tears held rallys at the tip of there noses,
And with my looking eye I could taste the fears placed upon there faces........
Bloody hands frm griping life, holding each memory tight!
(Here's a little insight)
He loved taking the trash out it was the only time he went outside.......
She jumped out of her skin,
Took her spirit to church knowing with her sin...................
She felt nobody would forgive them,but god....
Hes use to salen his toys in front of his house to the kids playing bball,
Cause
It was the only way he could eat when his tummy started to rumble.
She use to walk the streets looking for her mother in every alley.....
She use to wait by the phone every other hour for her father to call her collect......
Go fucking figuer
He use to reach for his moms love all he needed was a hug....
But her distraction
Misunderstood her sons actions,
So she would slap um instead!
She use to hold Barbie dolls at night an cry...........
He use to hide under his covers at night with a flash light..........
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
glides
She glides gracefully.
Tastefully fitted. An implied sign that reads
"No losers admitted"
She’s uplifted an admitted into insanities
4 walls
Scratching, sniffing, and screaming!
Just trying to catch a glimpse of freedom b4 her life slips.
Even though the chains reflected her life decisions, she always stays 3 steps behind his hands
And 2 step above the influence.
His hands,
To slow to catch her,
But his desire?
Eager to match her speed.
He’d get her better in her dreams
When she sleeps
And even in her dreams she weeps, crying out for help yet nobody seems,
Or seeks, jus a old game of hide an seek (no finder)
The prophesy.
Self fulfilling.
Cuz u must be willing to trust.
And be trusted.
And in order to co sign on someone’s dependence,
U must learn how to love unconditionally.
But what’s unconditional mean to a human being that has been
Showed nothing but abuse? shackled under the wings
Of UN pretty things, and
Multiplied by the things subtracted into life’s bean stock
Of mistakes she’s made.
He locked her up
An threw away the key!
What if her decision affected her family?
Drove by, shot 9 times
Now the tragedy lies in the soul of a battered
Spirit without a body.
………………………
Placing her chest up against the walls,
Put her ear up against the stall
Maybe she can feel alive if she counts her heart beat.
She stays alive just for her weekend visits,
Its The only contact she has with the outside world.
Staying emotionally aware of her mistakes,
But being aware that her innocents is irrelevant,
An that no freedom is coming soon!
So like a caged bird she chirps, an sings!
While everyone stands around watches her bleed!
Tastefully fitted. An implied sign that reads
"No losers admitted"
She’s uplifted an admitted into insanities
4 walls
Scratching, sniffing, and screaming!
Just trying to catch a glimpse of freedom b4 her life slips.
Even though the chains reflected her life decisions, she always stays 3 steps behind his hands
And 2 step above the influence.
His hands,
To slow to catch her,
But his desire?
Eager to match her speed.
He’d get her better in her dreams
When she sleeps
And even in her dreams she weeps, crying out for help yet nobody seems,
Or seeks, jus a old game of hide an seek (no finder)
The prophesy.
Self fulfilling.
Cuz u must be willing to trust.
And be trusted.
And in order to co sign on someone’s dependence,
U must learn how to love unconditionally.
But what’s unconditional mean to a human being that has been
Showed nothing but abuse? shackled under the wings
Of UN pretty things, and
Multiplied by the things subtracted into life’s bean stock
Of mistakes she’s made.
He locked her up
An threw away the key!
What if her decision affected her family?
Drove by, shot 9 times
Now the tragedy lies in the soul of a battered
Spirit without a body.
………………………
Placing her chest up against the walls,
Put her ear up against the stall
Maybe she can feel alive if she counts her heart beat.
She stays alive just for her weekend visits,
Its The only contact she has with the outside world.
Staying emotionally aware of her mistakes,
But being aware that her innocents is irrelevant,
An that no freedom is coming soon!
So like a caged bird she chirps, an sings!
While everyone stands around watches her bleed!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
clabo me an kesh kesh (untitled)
My thumb ran across
The pages of peoples faces
As the palm of my right hand
Held the binder of their spine
But the beauty of their cover
Wasn't you
Stick in hand, egg shelled colored eyes
In special need...im blind
Now I read the dots
Trying to connect these spots....
But connecting dots
reconecting
recollecting
these life pictures we framed improparly
painted lifes wash colors of poverty
so holding one together isnt an option for you
when falling apart is all we are use to
super glue minded
it's like were stuck in last nights time so worry about yesterdays crime unable to rewind lifes tape deck to start over
I pressed rewind
Causing my screams
To yell at my throat
As the bullet shot backwards
Making love to my chest
I remembered the meaning
To this beat box of ones heart beat
Please don't stop singing
An if you u stop singing plz
continue the humming I can't live another day without ur remedy
an everytime my heart stops
I dial 3 numbers
screaming for help an the only person that comes to my rescue always happeneds to be you
You rescued my body
Leaving behind its outline
On my frost bitten floor
As a reminder where to land
Where to land
When I fall for you again
Landing up on all of my reasons
Simply loving you
It's hard to say
that when I held u all nite
I woke up numb matter
fact I think I had
frost bite
I laid out all the reasson why I loved you 3of
them reminded me of why we never made it threw
but tha other 5 five kept me high enough to not realize what loving u can do to the human body
I subtracted the lack of comunication all cuz of a
4letter word
kept me blind to the fact that i thought one day ud end up loving me the way I do
Communication slipped through
Our lips
Because our souls breathed
The right words
As the cracks of my hands
Failed the saphocating
To the breath of your past pain
Lets click our broken glass
To the fallen tears
Toast to your identity
Oh how I Love you
Oh how I Love you,
My unedited book...
Oh how I love you
Is that menskill
more then a fragment
of why I'm still here
Of why my tears tattoo the meaning of crystal clear
This shit is diamond cut
no more rough around the edges
ur my diamond in a rough I wouldn't trade in ur exsistance
U took my heart off eBay in a war full of falln bids
Forgiveness
an in my watch I have time to perfect this
Cuz I think your so worth it.
Oh how I love the things you do
Oh how I love to be in love with you
The pages of peoples faces
As the palm of my right hand
Held the binder of their spine
But the beauty of their cover
Wasn't you
Stick in hand, egg shelled colored eyes
In special need...im blind
Now I read the dots
Trying to connect these spots....
But connecting dots
reconecting
recollecting
these life pictures we framed improparly
painted lifes wash colors of poverty
so holding one together isnt an option for you
when falling apart is all we are use to
super glue minded
it's like were stuck in last nights time so worry about yesterdays crime unable to rewind lifes tape deck to start over
I pressed rewind
Causing my screams
To yell at my throat
As the bullet shot backwards
Making love to my chest
I remembered the meaning
To this beat box of ones heart beat
Please don't stop singing
An if you u stop singing plz
continue the humming I can't live another day without ur remedy
an everytime my heart stops
I dial 3 numbers
screaming for help an the only person that comes to my rescue always happeneds to be you
You rescued my body
Leaving behind its outline
On my frost bitten floor
As a reminder where to land
Where to land
When I fall for you again
Landing up on all of my reasons
Simply loving you
It's hard to say
that when I held u all nite
I woke up numb matter
fact I think I had
frost bite
I laid out all the reasson why I loved you 3of
them reminded me of why we never made it threw
but tha other 5 five kept me high enough to not realize what loving u can do to the human body
I subtracted the lack of comunication all cuz of a
4letter word
kept me blind to the fact that i thought one day ud end up loving me the way I do
Communication slipped through
Our lips
Because our souls breathed
The right words
As the cracks of my hands
Failed the saphocating
To the breath of your past pain
Lets click our broken glass
To the fallen tears
Toast to your identity
Oh how I Love you
Oh how I Love you,
My unedited book...
Oh how I love you
Is that menskill
more then a fragment
of why I'm still here
Of why my tears tattoo the meaning of crystal clear
This shit is diamond cut
no more rough around the edges
ur my diamond in a rough I wouldn't trade in ur exsistance
U took my heart off eBay in a war full of falln bids
Forgiveness
an in my watch I have time to perfect this
Cuz I think your so worth it.
Oh how I love the things you do
Oh how I love to be in love with you
Friday, April 30, 2010
endless memorys
I’ve died 4 times
Lived more then a few times
They say im wise
I say im beyond that
I’ve died 4 times
An dreamed of an UN known kind
Lived life as a local dime
Collecting dollars
Creating crime
I’ve hidden my image for more then 5 years
Never was really understood by my peers
Counted my tears on the pillow cases of his pillow cases
Prayed prayers my mama use to pray
An sat down with my grandma an discussed shit about being gay
Wrote stories of wonder land searching for my Alice
Told love stories like a book taking notes
Hanging from fairs wheels
Of her heart
Crying my dying fears melting my paper jus so their ears
Could hear what everyone else was missing
I’ve never really gave my self the time I was given
Use a clock without a stop watch never put new batteries in it
So my time always was ended 420
I use to smoke to clear my mind
I never was given the guidance to walk to the front of the line
I crawl behind
Placed a mask over my face an put on a front instead of being fake
I use to use my attitude to scare away the bad revenue
Never was fucked with in high school
Always was the number one topic
Like did u see was she had on short skirt?
I can almost see her tong
All the dudes liked what I was doing
I use to change my image
Ran marathons I never gave a shit about wtf he or she was on
I use to fuck this white boy
Used him as my white toy
Smoked weed until my mama came
Ditched school cuz I was sick an tired of that shit man
Then I met a dude an boy was he a hurricane
Breaking news punched in the stomach
Pain became my new life style
Never thought about shit like if this was worth my while
Purified his anger an poured kerosene on the fire
U think ima let him beat me to the wire
Biting my finger nails how do u retire
Loved my son with more then I had in me
I couldn’t afford wtf he was doing to me
Despite the outside look
I was really dien inside
Hiding under glasses jus to hide my eyes
Never opened my mouth unless he told me to speak
Never walked the streets innless he gave me the sheets
Never left the house dirty
Cuz it was lil things like that
That made him beat me until morning
I thought I found love but all I found was pain
I thought he loved me all cuz he tattooed my name
So naive to how he was playn me
Until I stood on my own feet an stop walking on my fucking tippy toes
Flat grounded fuck u only god knows
I had a convo with god last night
He gave me the power to get up an fight
I’ve been thru hell an that’s why ive died 4 times an cam back
Smiled in the devils face
Sprinting thru this devilish race
Wrote a book
Told my poetry
Really how hell taste
Now im into female’s cuz of one mans illiterateness
An now I look in the mirror wit discuss
I never wanted to be the daughter that has to tell her mama
Im gay cuz a man beat me until I was almost
Oblivious
But fuck it cuz god dealt me my cards an forgot the chips
Ima get this regardless
Lived more then a few times
They say im wise
I say im beyond that
I’ve died 4 times
An dreamed of an UN known kind
Lived life as a local dime
Collecting dollars
Creating crime
I’ve hidden my image for more then 5 years
Never was really understood by my peers
Counted my tears on the pillow cases of his pillow cases
Prayed prayers my mama use to pray
An sat down with my grandma an discussed shit about being gay
Wrote stories of wonder land searching for my Alice
Told love stories like a book taking notes
Hanging from fairs wheels
Of her heart
Crying my dying fears melting my paper jus so their ears
Could hear what everyone else was missing
I’ve never really gave my self the time I was given
Use a clock without a stop watch never put new batteries in it
So my time always was ended 420
I use to smoke to clear my mind
I never was given the guidance to walk to the front of the line
I crawl behind
Placed a mask over my face an put on a front instead of being fake
I use to use my attitude to scare away the bad revenue
Never was fucked with in high school
Always was the number one topic
Like did u see was she had on short skirt?
I can almost see her tong
All the dudes liked what I was doing
I use to change my image
Ran marathons I never gave a shit about wtf he or she was on
I use to fuck this white boy
Used him as my white toy
Smoked weed until my mama came
Ditched school cuz I was sick an tired of that shit man
Then I met a dude an boy was he a hurricane
Breaking news punched in the stomach
Pain became my new life style
Never thought about shit like if this was worth my while
Purified his anger an poured kerosene on the fire
U think ima let him beat me to the wire
Biting my finger nails how do u retire
Loved my son with more then I had in me
I couldn’t afford wtf he was doing to me
Despite the outside look
I was really dien inside
Hiding under glasses jus to hide my eyes
Never opened my mouth unless he told me to speak
Never walked the streets innless he gave me the sheets
Never left the house dirty
Cuz it was lil things like that
That made him beat me until morning
I thought I found love but all I found was pain
I thought he loved me all cuz he tattooed my name
So naive to how he was playn me
Until I stood on my own feet an stop walking on my fucking tippy toes
Flat grounded fuck u only god knows
I had a convo with god last night
He gave me the power to get up an fight
I’ve been thru hell an that’s why ive died 4 times an cam back
Smiled in the devils face
Sprinting thru this devilish race
Wrote a book
Told my poetry
Really how hell taste
Now im into female’s cuz of one mans illiterateness
An now I look in the mirror wit discuss
I never wanted to be the daughter that has to tell her mama
Im gay cuz a man beat me until I was almost
Oblivious
But fuck it cuz god dealt me my cards an forgot the chips
Ima get this regardless
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