so mysterious

(So mysterious)
Eyes, an a smile that shackled Ur mind!
She was into everything Ur pussy might... "like"
Creeping through the night
Gathering change for (hope) that won’t come
Anytime soon, cuz expired residue
Scraped from pipes she smoked jus to get high.....


(So mysterious)
Peeping tom into her bedroom
Tying him up dancing then robbing him for a few bucks!
Then turning tom off like a light switch
Never knew one day he’d come back for this bitch!!!!

(So mysterious)
She wked the same fucking corner, dropped her 2 yr old son off
At the other corner, an sold her pussy
For 5 dollars!
"She’s stupid some say"
But to her she was jus doing what she thought was right....
Ignorant, but so mysterious
Everything inside her boiled likes hot water,
Lil voices in her head beat her dead to where
Her thoughts whispered silent!!!!!!!!
So she kept being mysterious an never agreed to change......

(So mysterious)
She jus turned 18
An already is dien from aids!
She jus turned 18 an already has a baby!
She jus turned 18 an already had a run in wit the law!
She just turned 18 an never had a mother to slap her raw!
She just turned 18 and is addicted to drugs!!!

(So mysterious)
no kisses an huggs......
So many tears in this
so she turned to drugs......
So many times she’s prayed to god
So many whys????
An so many life’s she’s infected
So many minds she fucked yet soo many crys......

She’s 18 an yet so lost inside!

Locked in her own mental assumptions
Vased her flower an watched it grow into something she abused
For money...

Never watered her seed correctly,
Planted her life into a dirty wash
Pour bleach into her soul
Yet nobody to consol her.
Nobody to hold her,
The only love she thought was right was what these men gave her.

(So mysterious)
Her mama gave her up
At 14 told her the only thing shed be good at was
Gold digging!
and Layn on her back shown her pussy for a lil crack!

An every time she looked her son in his eyes she
Went back, way back, to the time her mama told her shed never be shit!

Pondering how a mother could say such mean things
Wondering why god dealt her cards with the devil on them
Searching threw her deck
Flipping over tricks to make sense.

But she’s so mysterious
Cuz everything shed learned has something to do wit the streets
An now that she’s dien wit aids
Shed gotta find a home for her son
So one day he don’t wake up an see that she didn’t make it
To be 21!

(So mysterious)
(Loaded)
(Pulls back )
Gun shots!!!!

Blood splatters..................

Tears hit with silent
All she wanted was some guidance
But suicide always played a huge role on her list

She was soooooo fucking mysterious!

livng inside a devil

Loving u was like the first time I learn how to tie my shoes
I know crazy comparison
But to be honest it was just that easy

Fucking u was like a wood pile of sticks an stones
I knew id trip an land in-between 2 tights with spread hips
Tasting Ur poison
Like a high I couldn’t get rid of months later I still had the drips

Pupil’s blacker then night
When I looked u in the eyes
I knew for a life time I was stuck
But so affair to this love affair
I thought romance left a stale smell in the air so I
Ate the old bag of chips and washed it down
When Ur rotten lies
An all the shit u fed me at night

Loving u was like watching the sun rise
At first it was beautiful but after awhile it started to burn my insides
Ur extensive words left my heart melting stumbling over UN used verbs
Being verbal turned into physical
I just couldn’t get a grip on things

It was like leaving u when my phone rings
Walking into a another room jus to catch a tone of things
I couldn’t stand the sweet bitter smell of her sent
It was like heaven but I was burning in hell
I was fucking the devil
Residing in jail
I couldn’t see myself in a orange jump suit
Jailed because love locked me in a cage an listen to me sing
But never once sang with me

But any who
Who would have ever knew that
Loving u was as easy an cooking soup
I watched the water boil then threw in the noodles
An watched them until threw brew
An when eating u I always burnt my Tung
But even then I just couldn’t get enough of u.

It was Ur intense sexual drive
That drove me into a few trees that night
Killing me internally
Brain fucking me mentally
I fell inside of love
An even if u tried to dig for me
good luck
I lived inside
Her cold heart
Suffering from frost bite
And dying from neglect

I once lived for her smile an would die for her touch
Now I live for a resurrection an pray
That god doesn’t turn me down
When its time to hop in a casket an start my new judgment

Loving u was jus that simple
But being wit u forever was like
Living in a huge circle.

stop complaining

Complaining should be a job title!
Cause if so we’d all be rich right?
I bet u we never be late, but always be on time.
If complaining was the source too making money
We’d all being driven around that Bentley buying jewelry, Taken snap shots of our riches,

Complaining about how he didn't buy you a Gucci bag or one of them flashy rings u place on the left hand!
Like when did money buy love? Since when did telling someone “I love you” become a chore? And complaining about how u. Gotta get up an go to school in the morning! If

complaining educated u then we’d have free schooling! An no teacher to teach u fools, How to read! Look up education cuz complaining is a disease!
Complaining takes up time An I bet if love was all about complaining
an as potent as dew melting on Ur car windows
At 5am, we’d complain we couldn't see our souls threw are lovers eyes instead of feeling wit our finger tips and trying shit that's new!

Complaining about when sunrises shines threw Ur window and blinds Ur sight waking u. complaining about how Ur son lost his game last night
Then at the same time driven by a homeless sign…….
Contemplating…… (There sane)

Complaining about how there making our streets “ghetto” but not doing shit to speed the time Not donating a dime to help the need!!!!
An support someone who's not complaining about superficial shit they jus wanna eat!.
Pushing shopping carts of wet dirty sheets,
Digging thru trash cans to find food to eat,
Sitting on exits of freeways Questioning there destiny’s with a change box holding there dinner Money….

Rolling windows up cuz Ur complaining u had a rough day at work!
”An u don’t wanna be bothered by anybody”
only thinking about ourselves an reassuring ourselves that this dude begs everyday for change an being handed the cards dealt he stands there an weaves with a smile on his face! an what do we do we turn the radio up an look the other way complaining about how this fucking red light hasn't changed!!
Were so selfish!
That it should be a sickness an complaining is our life’s tt. United we stand divided we fall so I'm know were fucking surprised that 2012 is coming cuz we all divided many yrs ago fighting wars not worth fighting for Not helping ppl when they clearly needed ur help so as we fall we as ppl shouldn't shed tears no hands being grabbed just us running for our riches 4getting that the poor dose exists!
But trust me crying won't fix anything an neither well complaining so when that day comes embrace it…. (It was the ppl not Mother Nature!)

Stop complaining it won't educate
stop complaining an be great full!

perfect stranger

“Perfect stranger”

I mixed pure satisfaction
With flawless nothings,
Produced a stranger that
Touched me.

I approached her
With a hand
Opened my door told her to get in.
She was a stranger to my eyes, but to my soul
Equaled a total of
100%.
I knew her smile from some place heaven sent,
An she was so perfect……
There had to be another life I was stuck in!
Cuz our conversations
Were relevant
That we were more then 2 apples hanging from the same tree.

Flawless stranger.
Her sent melted my soul
Like snow….
And intact entirely with my spirit
I was dreaming in time that me an her knew each other some where
Before I opened my door?.......

I mixed stranger,
With confusional like thinking…
“Umm……
Excuse me Mrs.”
(But have I seen u before?)
Cuz the way u walk an the way Ur hair blows
I remember counting Ur steps,
Touching Ur existence before….
“An I heard u like poetry
Readings at coffee shops
Cuz I sat an watched u sip
5creams 4 sugars to settle the score.”
I’ve been watching u with my soul
An in my dreams
Ravishing Ur beauty
Trying to multiply an divide
Ur whole blessing.

Ud never believe
Her name remains guessing….
Cuz she’s a stranger
So perfect
My heart beats for her more
I wanna slide next to her an open the door
“What’s up ma?
Haven’t I seen u before?”

Maybe its Ur short hair,
Got me kissing on Ur neck
Lost in Ur whole actuality
Of me being invisible…

Intangible
Crossed legs
A smile that shines brighter then the moon
I think she’s my perfect stranger!
My perfect outlander
My outlet to what’s missing
N descent of my frustrations,
I hear her threw my headphones
I wear on my chest.
My ears are def to the negative comments
Of eww she’s a lesbian!!!

“So excuse me Mrs.
Haven’t I seen u before?”
Maybe it was our 5star wedding we had
B4 1804……………….
Maybe it was our chemistry
We had as u walked by me at the mall………….
Maybe it was my hand that melted into urs?
Ur my perfect stranger that turned into something
More. Or maybe my dreams that put u together in my sleep
So un-bare-able for me to not believe we were ment to be!

“Hey ma
What’s Ur name?”
I think ive seen u before!

trust

I have always had TRUST issues,

Balancing……. Confidence, an inner window….

With “I TRUST YOU”

When trusting myself has always been the real issue.


And not even just a (relationship) type TRUST cuz in that

Since I TRUST me b4 I TRUST anyone else

AND THAT’S KINDA SELFISH BUT

Im not here for anyone’s entertainment,

{{{Or how many times u can break my heart}}}

{{{Or how many I love yous come falling apart}}}

Like a needle to a blanket,

Like sand to an ocean,

I TRUST every inch of grain THAT WE STEP THREW

JUST TO REACH THE EDGE OF THE WATER……

IVE

Thrown messages of potions in the puddles of my mistakes

AND WATCHED THEM disincarnate.


Now I can provide myself with the self esteem

To trust another human being, but it is harder then u think.

Being I was almost married until everything in my life suddenly changed!

He found others,… and I was left in the rain to drowned in my own sorrows……

Wondering were I went wrong.

So soaking up my own tears from the hands he decided to borrow. So trusting someone

Is harder then u think.


I’ve never in my life felt so low,

Never felt so UN loved,

“I guess affections is what I lack of.”

My soul screams every morning,

My lips plead in content of why I can’t jus turn over an kiss you!!!!!!!!!!

My dreams dream im with u!!!!!!!!!!

But, I wake up on the floor,

Reaching for Ur body to brush my hands threw Ur hair.

The kiss I place to Ur 4 head that whispers I love you every morning when I wake.

{{{But Ur not there so I guess ill wait}}}}

It’s just another door I must walk threw…………..

The strength god has given me is UN believable,

And just when I think im perfecting the believable I fall apart once more……


The frustration is killing me,

The I wanna be in Ur arms is barring my every confidence, “it’s my early coffin.”

Always in the back of my mind the words contemplate back in forth, “u may find someone else.”

An that’s when I battle T-R-U-S-T (RELIANCE)

I’ve hurt myself in so many ways……. (PUASE)

It’s hard to look in the mirror these days…… (PAUSE)

Placing my hands together to pray, that

Ur life collides with mine.

And no matter what ppl say u an I well ride tell the end of time!

I want my book to end in love with Ur whole being,

So trusting u is THE 1st chapter I wrote

In BOLD LETTERS…..

Making words VIBE with the subject of I <3 YOU!!!

(So trusting u well be easy)


I gotta trust my self in chapter 2 that my inner windows shine like

The moon, an my eyes sparkle like the stars,

And every kiss shot to mars is worth every moment

I get to spend with u.

I cherish every sentence WRITTEN IN ....UR.... EXISTENCE

U are more then just this person……………..

I talk to…………

Ur the grass around the trunk of my heart the continues to gross,

An fertilizes my body to breathe…..

The sharpener to my pencil that gives me the strength to write

AND READ,

U are the paper I tell everything to

So without u im really nothing!!!!!!!!!!!


Im a soul with bruises that well never fade,

So TRUST is what I must in grave. (And pray)

Trusting u is gonna be easy I MUST SAY!!!

Ill put my spirit on stage an cry tears for u,

Write in mirror image in parallel lines,

Read backwards until time rewinds…..

I wanna make impossible possible until the end of this line!!!


u are my “TRUST”

Even though my finger tip lust for your touch

I find myself counting days on end waiting tell u can jus be mine…..

Calling numbers of hope screaming at faith!

Putting god on this pedestal stool that I yell at every night b4 I go to sleep,

Why!!! ????

Why!!! ????

Why, is this happening?

(an I cry tears u never see)

I worry cuz I love you,

I get mad sometimes cuz I jus want to be next to YOU!

So don’t ever think that I don’t TRUST you…..


(Im battling myself)

Sorting out all the shit ive been threw

Trying to throw OUT the baggage of pain,

Relapsing every now an then.

“YOU ARE MY DRUG I CANT GET ENOUGH OF”

I’ve taught myself how to love in a different way,

One nobody knows about but YOU.

I give my all,….MY every men skill fragment that remains

I give u my all!!!!!

Until my all is all I can give,

Until my heart stops beating I give u my TRUST

In my whole being that u

Are worth every day I have to wait………………………………..

dieing alone

If I could dig my soul from my spirit,
Id dig further then 6 feet…..
Cuz under my skins
Is a deadly sin
That coffins me to the new noises
My lips refuse to speak.
I'm cranberry of a bladder infection,
Anxiety of anti depression,
Dizzy from this aggression, So….
if I could dig past my resurrection
Id dig pasted 6 feet………
for what's its worth I've been
Dieing for ages!
Souls broken of men skill pages,
Fragments remains
In this writings of pencil shavings…?
Pressure pushes my brain
Up against the 4 walls I've confined myself in!
Counting days thinking my last hours (I well die alone!)
Finding myself days after layn in my own disaster,
phone in my left hand 911 left on hold…..
I watched my eyes roll back as I dropped to the floor
Foam came from my mouth… “someone help”!!

(I'm dieing alone)

An as I sat outside myself I put my hands out
An pressed together praying to god!
An as I laid next too my body I let myself go

HOW CAN I BLAME THE MAN ABOVE!

When my heart stopped pumping poetry thru my veins,
And my life ran ahead of me, when I cheated the game,
I lost contact wit my soul
An my spirit ran away.
So I died thinking life was nothing but a filthy ass game!
So within my name I wrote poetry to help ones relate,
When u feel like YOU’VE lost control of ur own life!!!
U been dieing for ages yet nobodys opened there eyes to witness ur dieing strife!!!
So u cleaned up the blood from the scene, wiped up the blood stains,
Packed Ur body up an threw it in Ur own trunk of desired dreams…
Purified Ur mental with fairy dust, when sleep became Ur favorite theme
Nobody sees u anymore.
when dialing 911 all u hear is a busy tone…………………………..

GIVING UP SEEMS TO BE THE LAST OPTION!

So I picked up the phone an put it back on the wall
Pressed my hands together an jumped back into my body prayed to god plz dont let me die alone!

i just wanna know

If I ripped my heart out my chest,
an sealed it wit no address
Would u dissect it?

By all means
My heart seems to beat funny.
So how hard it is to identify?
Known Ur head has lied on my chest,
so I know u studied my every beat........

And in all raw dis function if u touch it I tend to fall
Believing Ur sorrys once an for all
("again").........
My heart fell for Ur stupid games!
Cuz the word I love you remains Insane in a cage I've try to lock away.
"But this isn't why im unhappy today."

And I can write one poem after another
But I still remain undercover to this thing
Clogging my true feelings.
I feel like I couldn't cry enough tears to understand
My every fears in this life Long game.

And days I sit wondering where ill be in 5 yrs!
And how are my feelings going to change?
How can I fix something that remains,
Invisible to my eye sight,
And out reached by these close fisted hands
I try 2 press together an pray,
But one thing still remains
Im not happy!

So what makes janae happy?

Going back n forth Like a book I've read more then once
But can't comprehend the meanings!
Starting over from chapter 1
(greetings)

still can't remember what I read.

And the fucked up part is when I cry tears of the devil
Evilness in this smile of all my trial and tribulations
Hunt me again!

I've cried tears,
wiped finger tips parallel down my cheeks,
Looked in the mirror....
"god how I hate what I see"
Sad part is idk what makes me happy!

I've opened my chest let in things I can't compress
Tight fisted,
I've held back emotions
But fact is I've bottled more then alcohol, anWet cherry blunts to disguise my UN happiness!
When the pain set on faces of ppl that try to figure janae out.......
Truth is
im not a pencil u can't erase
My pain!

Im a marker that stays clearly disguising rain drops down my face!
Coloring my world in colors Bright to the worlds eye sight.......

I feel like I don’t belong Here!!!

I feel as if I don’t sing this song,
or write this poetry!
Nobody well ever know how I really feel inside....
I've killed fragments held tears that clearly needed to be painted an hung on walls of ppls souls.

I may have made mistakes

but somewhere inside me Is a women I've yet to know,
An Im crying cuz change is all I need!

Dragging my world into pieces,
If my heart was to beat 1 last beat,
Count my every movement an write me in books
Jus so I can sit down an continue to read.
(Taking notes)

Id like to meet janae!
B4 god sweeps me off my feet an lays me 6 deep.

I want to know what makes me happy!
And how true love feels,
I wanna look in the mirror an smile
Walking miles on these 2 feet,
Snapping my fingers,
To a new beat..........
"I just wanna know what makes me happy"
Cuz I already know what makes me cry!!!