endless memorys

I’ve died 4 times
Lived more then a few times
They say im wise
I say im beyond that

I’ve died 4 times
An dreamed of an UN known kind
Lived life as a local dime
Collecting dollars
Creating crime

I’ve hidden my image for more then 5 years
Never was really understood by my peers
Counted my tears on the pillow cases of his pillow cases
Prayed prayers my mama use to pray
An sat down with my grandma an discussed shit about being gay

Wrote stories of wonder land searching for my Alice
Told love stories like a book taking notes
Hanging from fairs wheels
Of her heart
Crying my dying fears melting my paper jus so their ears
Could hear what everyone else was missing

I’ve never really gave my self the time I was given
Use a clock without a stop watch never put new batteries in it
So my time always was ended 420
I use to smoke to clear my mind

I never was given the guidance to walk to the front of the line
I crawl behind
Placed a mask over my face an put on a front instead of being fake
I use to use my attitude to scare away the bad revenue
Never was fucked with in high school

Always was the number one topic
Like did u see was she had on short skirt?
I can almost see her tong
All the dudes liked what I was doing

I use to change my image
Ran marathons I never gave a shit about wtf he or she was on

I use to fuck this white boy
Used him as my white toy
Smoked weed until my mama came

Ditched school cuz I was sick an tired of that shit man

Then I met a dude an boy was he a hurricane
Breaking news punched in the stomach
Pain became my new life style
Never thought about shit like if this was worth my while
Purified his anger an poured kerosene on the fire
U think ima let him beat me to the wire

Biting my finger nails how do u retire
Loved my son with more then I had in me
I couldn’t afford wtf he was doing to me
Despite the outside look
I was really dien inside
Hiding under glasses jus to hide my eyes

Never opened my mouth unless he told me to speak
Never walked the streets innless he gave me the sheets
Never left the house dirty
Cuz it was lil things like that
That made him beat me until morning

I thought I found love but all I found was pain
I thought he loved me all cuz he tattooed my name
So naive to how he was playn me
Until I stood on my own feet an stop walking on my fucking tippy toes
Flat grounded fuck u only god knows

I had a convo with god last night
He gave me the power to get up an fight
I’ve been thru hell an that’s why ive died 4 times an cam back
Smiled in the devils face
Sprinting thru this devilish race
Wrote a book
Told my poetry
Really how hell taste

Now im into female’s cuz of one mans illiterateness
An now I look in the mirror wit discuss
I never wanted to be the daughter that has to tell her mama
Im gay cuz a man beat me until I was almost
Oblivious
But fuck it cuz god dealt me my cards an forgot the chips
Ima get this regardless

so mysterious

(So mysterious)
Eyes, an a smile that shackled Ur mind!
She was into everything Ur pussy might... "like"
Creeping through the night
Gathering change for (hope) that won’t come
Anytime soon, cuz expired residue
Scraped from pipes she smoked jus to get high.....


(So mysterious)
Peeping tom into her bedroom
Tying him up dancing then robbing him for a few bucks!
Then turning tom off like a light switch
Never knew one day he’d come back for this bitch!!!!

(So mysterious)
She wked the same fucking corner, dropped her 2 yr old son off
At the other corner, an sold her pussy
For 5 dollars!
"She’s stupid some say"
But to her she was jus doing what she thought was right....
Ignorant, but so mysterious
Everything inside her boiled likes hot water,
Lil voices in her head beat her dead to where
Her thoughts whispered silent!!!!!!!!
So she kept being mysterious an never agreed to change......

(So mysterious)
She jus turned 18
An already is dien from aids!
She jus turned 18 an already has a baby!
She jus turned 18 an already had a run in wit the law!
She just turned 18 an never had a mother to slap her raw!
She just turned 18 and is addicted to drugs!!!

(So mysterious)
no kisses an huggs......
So many tears in this
so she turned to drugs......
So many times she’s prayed to god
So many whys????
An so many life’s she’s infected
So many minds she fucked yet soo many crys......

She’s 18 an yet so lost inside!

Locked in her own mental assumptions
Vased her flower an watched it grow into something she abused
For money...

Never watered her seed correctly,
Planted her life into a dirty wash
Pour bleach into her soul
Yet nobody to consol her.
Nobody to hold her,
The only love she thought was right was what these men gave her.

(So mysterious)
Her mama gave her up
At 14 told her the only thing shed be good at was
Gold digging!
and Layn on her back shown her pussy for a lil crack!

An every time she looked her son in his eyes she
Went back, way back, to the time her mama told her shed never be shit!

Pondering how a mother could say such mean things
Wondering why god dealt her cards with the devil on them
Searching threw her deck
Flipping over tricks to make sense.

But she’s so mysterious
Cuz everything shed learned has something to do wit the streets
An now that she’s dien wit aids
Shed gotta find a home for her son
So one day he don’t wake up an see that she didn’t make it
To be 21!

(So mysterious)
(Loaded)
(Pulls back )
Gun shots!!!!

Blood splatters..................

Tears hit with silent
All she wanted was some guidance
But suicide always played a huge role on her list

She was soooooo fucking mysterious!