glides

She glides gracefully.
Tastefully fitted. An implied sign that reads
"No losers admitted"

She’s uplifted an admitted into insanities
4 walls
Scratching, sniffing, and screaming!
Just trying to catch a glimpse of freedom b4 her life slips.

Even though the chains reflected her life decisions, she always stays 3 steps behind his hands
And 2 step above the influence.

His hands,
To slow to catch her,
But his desire?
Eager to match her speed.
He’d get her better in her dreams
When she sleeps

And even in her dreams she weeps, crying out for help yet nobody seems,
Or seeks, jus a old game of hide an seek (no finder)

The prophesy.
Self fulfilling.
Cuz u must be willing to trust.
And be trusted.

And in order to co sign on someone’s dependence,
U must learn how to love unconditionally.

But what’s unconditional mean to a human being that has been
Showed nothing but abuse? shackled under the wings
Of UN pretty things, and
Multiplied by the things subtracted into life’s bean stock
Of mistakes she’s made.
He locked her up
An threw away the key!

What if her decision affected her family?
Drove by, shot 9 times
Now the tragedy lies in the soul of a battered
Spirit without a body.
………………………
Placing her chest up against the walls,
Put her ear up against the stall
Maybe she can feel alive if she counts her heart beat.

She stays alive just for her weekend visits,
Its The only contact she has with the outside world.
Staying emotionally aware of her mistakes,
But being aware that her innocents is irrelevant,
An that no freedom is coming soon!
So like a caged bird she chirps, an sings!
While everyone stands around watches her bleed!

clabo me an kesh kesh (untitled)

My thumb ran across
The pages of peoples faces
As the palm of my right hand
Held the binder of their spine

But the beauty of their cover
Wasn't you
Stick in hand, egg shelled colored eyes
In special need...im blind

Now I read the dots
Trying to connect these spots....

But connecting dots
reconecting
recollecting
these life pictures we framed improparly
painted lifes wash colors of poverty
so holding one together isnt an option for you
when falling apart is all we are use to
super glue minded
it's like were stuck in last nights time so worry about yesterdays crime unable to rewind lifes tape deck to start over

I pressed rewind
Causing my screams
To yell at my throat

As the bullet shot backwards
Making love to my chest

I remembered the meaning
To this beat box of ones heart beat
Please don't stop singing

An if you u stop singing plz
continue the humming I can't live another day without ur remedy
an everytime my heart stops
I dial 3 numbers
screaming for help an the only person that comes to my rescue always happeneds to be you

You rescued my body
Leaving behind its outline
On my frost bitten floor
As a reminder where to land

Where to land
When I fall for you again
Landing up on all of my reasons
Simply loving you


It's hard to say
that when I held u all nite
I woke up numb matter
fact I think I had
frost bite
I laid out all the reasson why I loved you 3of
them reminded me of why we never made it threw
but tha other 5 five kept me high enough to not realize what loving u can do to the human body
I subtracted the lack of comunication all cuz of a
4letter word
kept me blind to the fact that i thought one day ud end up loving me the way I do

Communication slipped through
Our lips
Because our souls breathed
The right words

As the cracks of my hands
Failed the saphocating
To the breath of your past pain

Lets click our broken glass
To the fallen tears
Toast to your identity
Oh how I Love you

Oh how I Love you,
My unedited book...

Oh how I love you
Is that menskill
more then a fragment
of why I'm still here
Of why my tears tattoo the meaning of crystal clear
This shit is diamond cut
no more rough around the edges
ur my diamond in a rough I wouldn't trade in ur exsistance
U took my heart off eBay in a war full of falln bids

Forgiveness

an in my watch I have time to perfect this
Cuz I think your so worth it.
Oh how I love the things you do
Oh how I love to be in love with you

endless memorys

I’ve died 4 times
Lived more then a few times
They say im wise
I say im beyond that

I’ve died 4 times
An dreamed of an UN known kind
Lived life as a local dime
Collecting dollars
Creating crime

I’ve hidden my image for more then 5 years
Never was really understood by my peers
Counted my tears on the pillow cases of his pillow cases
Prayed prayers my mama use to pray
An sat down with my grandma an discussed shit about being gay

Wrote stories of wonder land searching for my Alice
Told love stories like a book taking notes
Hanging from fairs wheels
Of her heart
Crying my dying fears melting my paper jus so their ears
Could hear what everyone else was missing

I’ve never really gave my self the time I was given
Use a clock without a stop watch never put new batteries in it
So my time always was ended 420
I use to smoke to clear my mind

I never was given the guidance to walk to the front of the line
I crawl behind
Placed a mask over my face an put on a front instead of being fake
I use to use my attitude to scare away the bad revenue
Never was fucked with in high school

Always was the number one topic
Like did u see was she had on short skirt?
I can almost see her tong
All the dudes liked what I was doing

I use to change my image
Ran marathons I never gave a shit about wtf he or she was on

I use to fuck this white boy
Used him as my white toy
Smoked weed until my mama came

Ditched school cuz I was sick an tired of that shit man

Then I met a dude an boy was he a hurricane
Breaking news punched in the stomach
Pain became my new life style
Never thought about shit like if this was worth my while
Purified his anger an poured kerosene on the fire
U think ima let him beat me to the wire

Biting my finger nails how do u retire
Loved my son with more then I had in me
I couldn’t afford wtf he was doing to me
Despite the outside look
I was really dien inside
Hiding under glasses jus to hide my eyes

Never opened my mouth unless he told me to speak
Never walked the streets innless he gave me the sheets
Never left the house dirty
Cuz it was lil things like that
That made him beat me until morning

I thought I found love but all I found was pain
I thought he loved me all cuz he tattooed my name
So naive to how he was playn me
Until I stood on my own feet an stop walking on my fucking tippy toes
Flat grounded fuck u only god knows

I had a convo with god last night
He gave me the power to get up an fight
I’ve been thru hell an that’s why ive died 4 times an cam back
Smiled in the devils face
Sprinting thru this devilish race
Wrote a book
Told my poetry
Really how hell taste

Now im into female’s cuz of one mans illiterateness
An now I look in the mirror wit discuss
I never wanted to be the daughter that has to tell her mama
Im gay cuz a man beat me until I was almost
Oblivious
But fuck it cuz god dealt me my cards an forgot the chips
Ima get this regardless

so mysterious

(So mysterious)
Eyes, an a smile that shackled Ur mind!
She was into everything Ur pussy might... "like"
Creeping through the night
Gathering change for (hope) that won’t come
Anytime soon, cuz expired residue
Scraped from pipes she smoked jus to get high.....


(So mysterious)
Peeping tom into her bedroom
Tying him up dancing then robbing him for a few bucks!
Then turning tom off like a light switch
Never knew one day he’d come back for this bitch!!!!

(So mysterious)
She wked the same fucking corner, dropped her 2 yr old son off
At the other corner, an sold her pussy
For 5 dollars!
"She’s stupid some say"
But to her she was jus doing what she thought was right....
Ignorant, but so mysterious
Everything inside her boiled likes hot water,
Lil voices in her head beat her dead to where
Her thoughts whispered silent!!!!!!!!
So she kept being mysterious an never agreed to change......

(So mysterious)
She jus turned 18
An already is dien from aids!
She jus turned 18 an already has a baby!
She jus turned 18 an already had a run in wit the law!
She just turned 18 an never had a mother to slap her raw!
She just turned 18 and is addicted to drugs!!!

(So mysterious)
no kisses an huggs......
So many tears in this
so she turned to drugs......
So many times she’s prayed to god
So many whys????
An so many life’s she’s infected
So many minds she fucked yet soo many crys......

She’s 18 an yet so lost inside!

Locked in her own mental assumptions
Vased her flower an watched it grow into something she abused
For money...

Never watered her seed correctly,
Planted her life into a dirty wash
Pour bleach into her soul
Yet nobody to consol her.
Nobody to hold her,
The only love she thought was right was what these men gave her.

(So mysterious)
Her mama gave her up
At 14 told her the only thing shed be good at was
Gold digging!
and Layn on her back shown her pussy for a lil crack!

An every time she looked her son in his eyes she
Went back, way back, to the time her mama told her shed never be shit!

Pondering how a mother could say such mean things
Wondering why god dealt her cards with the devil on them
Searching threw her deck
Flipping over tricks to make sense.

But she’s so mysterious
Cuz everything shed learned has something to do wit the streets
An now that she’s dien wit aids
Shed gotta find a home for her son
So one day he don’t wake up an see that she didn’t make it
To be 21!

(So mysterious)
(Loaded)
(Pulls back )
Gun shots!!!!

Blood splatters..................

Tears hit with silent
All she wanted was some guidance
But suicide always played a huge role on her list

She was soooooo fucking mysterious!

livng inside a devil

Loving u was like the first time I learn how to tie my shoes
I know crazy comparison
But to be honest it was just that easy

Fucking u was like a wood pile of sticks an stones
I knew id trip an land in-between 2 tights with spread hips
Tasting Ur poison
Like a high I couldn’t get rid of months later I still had the drips

Pupil’s blacker then night
When I looked u in the eyes
I knew for a life time I was stuck
But so affair to this love affair
I thought romance left a stale smell in the air so I
Ate the old bag of chips and washed it down
When Ur rotten lies
An all the shit u fed me at night

Loving u was like watching the sun rise
At first it was beautiful but after awhile it started to burn my insides
Ur extensive words left my heart melting stumbling over UN used verbs
Being verbal turned into physical
I just couldn’t get a grip on things

It was like leaving u when my phone rings
Walking into a another room jus to catch a tone of things
I couldn’t stand the sweet bitter smell of her sent
It was like heaven but I was burning in hell
I was fucking the devil
Residing in jail
I couldn’t see myself in a orange jump suit
Jailed because love locked me in a cage an listen to me sing
But never once sang with me

But any who
Who would have ever knew that
Loving u was as easy an cooking soup
I watched the water boil then threw in the noodles
An watched them until threw brew
An when eating u I always burnt my Tung
But even then I just couldn’t get enough of u.

It was Ur intense sexual drive
That drove me into a few trees that night
Killing me internally
Brain fucking me mentally
I fell inside of love
An even if u tried to dig for me
good luck
I lived inside
Her cold heart
Suffering from frost bite
And dying from neglect

I once lived for her smile an would die for her touch
Now I live for a resurrection an pray
That god doesn’t turn me down
When its time to hop in a casket an start my new judgment

Loving u was jus that simple
But being wit u forever was like
Living in a huge circle.

stop complaining

Complaining should be a job title!
Cause if so we’d all be rich right?
I bet u we never be late, but always be on time.
If complaining was the source too making money
We’d all being driven around that Bentley buying jewelry, Taken snap shots of our riches,

Complaining about how he didn't buy you a Gucci bag or one of them flashy rings u place on the left hand!
Like when did money buy love? Since when did telling someone “I love you” become a chore? And complaining about how u. Gotta get up an go to school in the morning! If

complaining educated u then we’d have free schooling! An no teacher to teach u fools, How to read! Look up education cuz complaining is a disease!
Complaining takes up time An I bet if love was all about complaining
an as potent as dew melting on Ur car windows
At 5am, we’d complain we couldn't see our souls threw are lovers eyes instead of feeling wit our finger tips and trying shit that's new!

Complaining about when sunrises shines threw Ur window and blinds Ur sight waking u. complaining about how Ur son lost his game last night
Then at the same time driven by a homeless sign…….
Contemplating…… (There sane)

Complaining about how there making our streets “ghetto” but not doing shit to speed the time Not donating a dime to help the need!!!!
An support someone who's not complaining about superficial shit they jus wanna eat!.
Pushing shopping carts of wet dirty sheets,
Digging thru trash cans to find food to eat,
Sitting on exits of freeways Questioning there destiny’s with a change box holding there dinner Money….

Rolling windows up cuz Ur complaining u had a rough day at work!
”An u don’t wanna be bothered by anybody”
only thinking about ourselves an reassuring ourselves that this dude begs everyday for change an being handed the cards dealt he stands there an weaves with a smile on his face! an what do we do we turn the radio up an look the other way complaining about how this fucking red light hasn't changed!!
Were so selfish!
That it should be a sickness an complaining is our life’s tt. United we stand divided we fall so I'm know were fucking surprised that 2012 is coming cuz we all divided many yrs ago fighting wars not worth fighting for Not helping ppl when they clearly needed ur help so as we fall we as ppl shouldn't shed tears no hands being grabbed just us running for our riches 4getting that the poor dose exists!
But trust me crying won't fix anything an neither well complaining so when that day comes embrace it…. (It was the ppl not Mother Nature!)

Stop complaining it won't educate
stop complaining an be great full!

perfect stranger

“Perfect stranger”

I mixed pure satisfaction
With flawless nothings,
Produced a stranger that
Touched me.

I approached her
With a hand
Opened my door told her to get in.
She was a stranger to my eyes, but to my soul
Equaled a total of
100%.
I knew her smile from some place heaven sent,
An she was so perfect……
There had to be another life I was stuck in!
Cuz our conversations
Were relevant
That we were more then 2 apples hanging from the same tree.

Flawless stranger.
Her sent melted my soul
Like snow….
And intact entirely with my spirit
I was dreaming in time that me an her knew each other some where
Before I opened my door?.......

I mixed stranger,
With confusional like thinking…
“Umm……
Excuse me Mrs.”
(But have I seen u before?)
Cuz the way u walk an the way Ur hair blows
I remember counting Ur steps,
Touching Ur existence before….
“An I heard u like poetry
Readings at coffee shops
Cuz I sat an watched u sip
5creams 4 sugars to settle the score.”
I’ve been watching u with my soul
An in my dreams
Ravishing Ur beauty
Trying to multiply an divide
Ur whole blessing.

Ud never believe
Her name remains guessing….
Cuz she’s a stranger
So perfect
My heart beats for her more
I wanna slide next to her an open the door
“What’s up ma?
Haven’t I seen u before?”

Maybe its Ur short hair,
Got me kissing on Ur neck
Lost in Ur whole actuality
Of me being invisible…

Intangible
Crossed legs
A smile that shines brighter then the moon
I think she’s my perfect stranger!
My perfect outlander
My outlet to what’s missing
N descent of my frustrations,
I hear her threw my headphones
I wear on my chest.
My ears are def to the negative comments
Of eww she’s a lesbian!!!

“So excuse me Mrs.
Haven’t I seen u before?”
Maybe it was our 5star wedding we had
B4 1804……………….
Maybe it was our chemistry
We had as u walked by me at the mall………….
Maybe it was my hand that melted into urs?
Ur my perfect stranger that turned into something
More. Or maybe my dreams that put u together in my sleep
So un-bare-able for me to not believe we were ment to be!

“Hey ma
What’s Ur name?”
I think ive seen u before!

trust

I have always had TRUST issues,

Balancing……. Confidence, an inner window….

With “I TRUST YOU”

When trusting myself has always been the real issue.


And not even just a (relationship) type TRUST cuz in that

Since I TRUST me b4 I TRUST anyone else

AND THAT’S KINDA SELFISH BUT

Im not here for anyone’s entertainment,

{{{Or how many times u can break my heart}}}

{{{Or how many I love yous come falling apart}}}

Like a needle to a blanket,

Like sand to an ocean,

I TRUST every inch of grain THAT WE STEP THREW

JUST TO REACH THE EDGE OF THE WATER……

IVE

Thrown messages of potions in the puddles of my mistakes

AND WATCHED THEM disincarnate.


Now I can provide myself with the self esteem

To trust another human being, but it is harder then u think.

Being I was almost married until everything in my life suddenly changed!

He found others,… and I was left in the rain to drowned in my own sorrows……

Wondering were I went wrong.

So soaking up my own tears from the hands he decided to borrow. So trusting someone

Is harder then u think.


I’ve never in my life felt so low,

Never felt so UN loved,

“I guess affections is what I lack of.”

My soul screams every morning,

My lips plead in content of why I can’t jus turn over an kiss you!!!!!!!!!!

My dreams dream im with u!!!!!!!!!!

But, I wake up on the floor,

Reaching for Ur body to brush my hands threw Ur hair.

The kiss I place to Ur 4 head that whispers I love you every morning when I wake.

{{{But Ur not there so I guess ill wait}}}}

It’s just another door I must walk threw…………..

The strength god has given me is UN believable,

And just when I think im perfecting the believable I fall apart once more……


The frustration is killing me,

The I wanna be in Ur arms is barring my every confidence, “it’s my early coffin.”

Always in the back of my mind the words contemplate back in forth, “u may find someone else.”

An that’s when I battle T-R-U-S-T (RELIANCE)

I’ve hurt myself in so many ways……. (PUASE)

It’s hard to look in the mirror these days…… (PAUSE)

Placing my hands together to pray, that

Ur life collides with mine.

And no matter what ppl say u an I well ride tell the end of time!

I want my book to end in love with Ur whole being,

So trusting u is THE 1st chapter I wrote

In BOLD LETTERS…..

Making words VIBE with the subject of I <3 YOU!!!

(So trusting u well be easy)


I gotta trust my self in chapter 2 that my inner windows shine like

The moon, an my eyes sparkle like the stars,

And every kiss shot to mars is worth every moment

I get to spend with u.

I cherish every sentence WRITTEN IN ....UR.... EXISTENCE

U are more then just this person……………..

I talk to…………

Ur the grass around the trunk of my heart the continues to gross,

An fertilizes my body to breathe…..

The sharpener to my pencil that gives me the strength to write

AND READ,

U are the paper I tell everything to

So without u im really nothing!!!!!!!!!!!


Im a soul with bruises that well never fade,

So TRUST is what I must in grave. (And pray)

Trusting u is gonna be easy I MUST SAY!!!

Ill put my spirit on stage an cry tears for u,

Write in mirror image in parallel lines,

Read backwards until time rewinds…..

I wanna make impossible possible until the end of this line!!!


u are my “TRUST”

Even though my finger tip lust for your touch

I find myself counting days on end waiting tell u can jus be mine…..

Calling numbers of hope screaming at faith!

Putting god on this pedestal stool that I yell at every night b4 I go to sleep,

Why!!! ????

Why!!! ????

Why, is this happening?

(an I cry tears u never see)

I worry cuz I love you,

I get mad sometimes cuz I jus want to be next to YOU!

So don’t ever think that I don’t TRUST you…..


(Im battling myself)

Sorting out all the shit ive been threw

Trying to throw OUT the baggage of pain,

Relapsing every now an then.

“YOU ARE MY DRUG I CANT GET ENOUGH OF”

I’ve taught myself how to love in a different way,

One nobody knows about but YOU.

I give my all,….MY every men skill fragment that remains

I give u my all!!!!!

Until my all is all I can give,

Until my heart stops beating I give u my TRUST

In my whole being that u

Are worth every day I have to wait………………………………..